Cyber Congregant Gifts

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Church: Built by Guilt.

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'New Religion'

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

'What do you mean, your church didn't give you a password?'

'You didn't EITHER just friend the Pope!'

"Great news pastor, we can just use the WiFi from the bar across the street."

Usher about usher with metal detector: 'He's checking for cell phones.'

"I'm going to need a receipt."

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."