Customer Service Strategist Pillows

'The bank would like to offer you this toaster for you not to open an account.'

Online form - Submit.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Supply Chain

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Communication

Entertainment systems

Sinking sales

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.