Customer Service Strategists Pillows

Listen to this Yelp review of our caf

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"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Supply Chain

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"More croutons, sir?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Communication

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."