Customer Care Strategist Pillows

'He's never happy to get less than 100% in his customer feedback.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

The competition's customer vs our customer.

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

'Well we could either make a massive investment in a new multi-media marketing campaign Or we could ask Edna to stop telling current customers to sod off because she's too busy to talk to them!'

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

"It's a good idea to tip first. That way I know what level of service you expect."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

Your Tip So Far

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

"We've implemented AI, now if we can develop artificial concern for our customers, we'll have it made."

"Roger ALWAYS puts out customers FIRST!"

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

"The management consultant recommended a 45% cut in customer services, so you'll have to complain to yourself from now on."

'Went straight to the top a week after 'Customer Care' started.'

"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."

"For success you have to treat customers as individuals...These for example are individuals No 45-09kl and 645-3!"

'The bank would like to offer you this toaster for you not to open an account.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

"Don't think of them just as customers, but rather as an infinitely mineable and marketable source of valuable data!"