Customer Service Advocates Pillows

'We must improve our level of service.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

Big oil.

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

"I'd recommend this."

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

"Any chance of some credit?"

'Hey that's our waiter on his way home!'

'On behalf of our cabin crew who have voted in favour of strike action over Christmas. . . kindly fill out this form. Please send us your questions and comments about how the strike has effected your plans, ruined your holiday. . .'

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

The competition's customer vs our customer.

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."