Customer Experience Advocate Pillows

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Your business is important to us, so we'll be perfectly honest..."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

Big oil.

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

"Now, I wonder whether you'd be kind enough to complete our customer feedback survey?"

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

Driving a Lemon.

B.B.C. Watchdog

Suggestions Box

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

Roseanne4

'Well we could either make a massive investment in a new multi-media marketing campaign Or we could ask Edna to stop telling current customers to sod off because she's too busy to talk to them!'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Your Tip So Far

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

"Why don't you try THIS instead?"

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."