Customer Experience Specialist Pillows

Suggestions Box

"Sir, there's nothing more I can do to help you and so I'm going to elevate your call."

Cool Reception

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Online form - Submit.

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"More croutons, sir?"

Communication

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"So what else can we get our customers to do online themselves and charge them for it?"

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Now, I wonder whether you'd be kind enough to complete our customer feedback survey?"

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"