Customer Support Specialist Pillows

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'We've changed our mind. We don't care any more!'

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

'Santa says, 'are you sure you inserted the batteries correctly'?'

"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

Voice Jail

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"I'm just curious. Which one of you works in our complaints department?"

"You have reached our customer care helpline. Please hold while we find someone less qualified to deal with your query."

The manufacturing will be in China with most of the development work taking place in South Korea. Logistics and customer support are based in India."

"Congratulations, you've broken our record for remaining on hold the longest...As a reward we're cutting you off so you can get on wit the rest of your day."

"Just how fed up with customer services feedback are you: (a) very (b) extremely (c) incandescent with rage (d) don't ask if you value your life?"

'Well it wasn't obsolete when I started trying to get through to your helpline.'

'...and here's the man who took our annoying phone menu system to an additional annoying level.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

Help Desk Closed, Help!

'Where do I go to complain about you?'

'Please hold... we're going for a record on seeing how long customers will wait...'

Communication

'Please note, all calls will be recorded and could be used for training purposes. . . So don't ask any difficult questions.'

When a customer loses his cool, rise above it and remain calm.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."