Customer Service Strategist Gifts

'The bank would like to offer you this toaster for you not to open an account.'

Online form - Submit.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Supply Chain

Gerald Ratner's return

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Communication

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

Entertainment systems

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Yo-Yo Sales

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'