Customer Safety Gifts

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

A young Don King

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

On the brink.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'