Personal Safety Gifts

'Say you fall down and nobody is around to hear it. With the Emergency Alert System...'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Domestic violence against the elderly

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

"I knew we shouldn't have let health and safety run the self-defence course!"

The dangers of social media.

'This is sensational, Madam...in fact, it comes with a complimentary pepper spray!'

'Just checking my anti-rape alarm...'

"Directions? You just wanted directions?"

"The new power suit — classic pinstripe with body armor."

"Pepper spray, pepper spray... Can you hold on one minute? I know it's in here SOMEWHERE."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Man using to much bug spray

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Baby on board.

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'