Personal Safety Gifts

'Say you fall down and nobody is around to hear it. With the Emergency Alert System...'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Domestic violence against the elderly

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

"I knew we shouldn't have let health and safety run the self-defence course!"

The dangers of social media.

'This is sensational, Madam...in fact, it comes with a complimentary pepper spray!'

'Just checking my anti-rape alarm...'

"The new power suit — classic pinstripe with body armor."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.