Consumer Safety Specialist Gifts

Lemonade Stand with Disclaimer: 'No animals were harmed during the making of this lemonade.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Crash Test Dummy Blues

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

"Bob put a chair with wheels on the table and climbed up to change a light bulb. Then the chair rolled away, Bob fell and... well, I guess we need a new industrial safety specialist."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

B.B.C. Watchdog

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

This place is crawling with backstabbers, but they don't worry me.

'No, that's not his scary Halloween zombie costume, that's his scary ICD-10 rollout look.'

Now do you see the point of regular electrical checks?

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Consumer Safety Testing Lab. Bake-it Toy Oven. We have lots of work to do --- Now get the lead out!

You Left The Gas On...

You shouldn't be embarrassed

"You want the extended warranty for this disposal razor."

Nuclear Power Station

'George, this new home security system you bought...how much did it cost?'

"This is a fine time to remember you forgot to pay our homeowner's insurance!"

'What - it's the third time your gun hasn't worked?! Here, take may card - I'm Wayne Poborsky, consumer protection lawyer!'

"Now I remember what I wanted to tell you. The safety stop on the garage door doesn't work anymore."