Customer Anecdotist Gifts

Call Center.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Beer? Wassat then?'

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"I'd recommend this."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"One final question... how did you hear about us/"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

Napkin Writer

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'