Custody Philosopher Pillows

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

How Moms explain.

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'

Baby Teething Problems.

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

''Honor thy father and thy mother'? -- What about custody disputes?'

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'