Canine Control Philosopher Pillows

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"Dogs are men."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

The Inner Dog.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."