Dog Behavioral Philosopher Pillows

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Why do they do that?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Dog History

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."