Curfew Comedians Gifts

'Daddy's still up - I can hear him unlocking the firearms cabinet.'

Highland Hotel; NO bagpipes after 10 PM

"Dad, this is not the one that was here earlier. He left at half past eleven."

Occu-Pie Mars

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."