Work-life Comedians Gifts

"I've been unemployed for twenty years and still haven't qualified for long service leave."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

My brilliant career

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'