Cup-o'-joe Crusher Gifts

"I figure I should be able to finish repaying my loan in about 50 years."

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'Last guy that worked here did nothing but complain.'

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Pin-atas

Creative Writing. I've learned a lot in this class. I used to use cliches like they were going out of style, but now I wouldn't touch one with a ten-foot pole.

'If you don't mind, my sales manager wanted me to call him the second you took the hook.'

'Well, we made it.'

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

The Short, Brutal Existence Of Pinata Candy.

'Would you like something from the trolley doctor ? '

"It's make it or break it time. All in favor of breaking it?"

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

'75% of our resources are spent dealing with the elderly and infirm...and that's just the STAFF!'

"Flavor? It's 'let me drink my first cup before I stab you in the eyes' flavor."

Hitting a Brick Wall.

Anders Iniesta

He saw that his crush opened his mating dance video message and didn't reply.

"How's your blogging going?"

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

Exercise for fat people.

'I've never met a salesperson I didn't like... except, of course, for you people.'

STRIP Hambone: Unpaid electric bill

"I just gave her 100 Candy Crush lives so she won't be seeing anybody for a while."

"One man's trash is another man's treasure. But in your case, another man's trash is ow your trash."

Banker Nightmares.

"No, you can't be anything you want when you grow up. You're a moose."

'As our new Sales Associate, you'll be on straight commission plus unemployment.'

'Sorry, Alexander just has to be top at everything!'

Lame Childhood Dreams

"I forgot, ok?"

Bug-Cam.