Culinary Procrastinator Gifts

Wheel of Dinner

"It's not like my wife or I can't cook...but we do have this pizza place on speed dial."

Man late home. Wife has left sign telling him his dinner is on a cook for yourself website.

"Don't think that I haven't noticed that this always seems to coincide with your night to cook."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Tension filled the tent.

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Lockdown casserole

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"It'll never be ready in time."

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

The Last-Minute Halloween Costume Parade

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

Eating raw cake mix.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

'There's a pork roast in the oven and a casserole in the microwave....two minutes on high.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'