Culinary Ninja Gifts

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

Soup of the month.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

Garden.

The Witches Discover The Wok

Too much cilantro

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

I love Cannelloni

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

Holiday Supplies

'It's my favorite.'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

"Please don't kill me."

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."