Culinary Calamity Captains T-Shirts

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

Bake off: Flan B

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Leak Soup. No, it's not a misspelling. The roof dripped into the casserole.

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"Okay, let's eat."

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Sandwich Fail

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

"I'd say another twenty minutes before plating. We'll know once the swearing gets really desperate."

'That's the last time I ever let you try to fix the microwave.'

Pizza's Burning...

'Get your priorities right, Graham! Book the restaurant AFTER you've called the fire brigade!'

'I burned your breakfast.' 'That's okay. I can eat a bowl of cold cereal.' 'That's what I burned.'

'As far as I'm concerned, this kitchen is the real environmental hazard!'

'Er, how long did you say you had been teaching Home Economics, Miss Jones?'

'That was delicious! Do I have food on my face?'

"You're the only one getting fat around here, Rex!"