Culinary Crisis Captain T-Shirts

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Is that pancake ready yet?

Kiss the Commander in Chef

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' 'So that's where it is.'

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

'There was a power failure today - we're having steak, fish, chicken, hamburger, turkey, and pork chops for dinner.'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

'Table 17 wants his salmon seasoned only with sea salt - from the Pacific; between 25 and 30 degrees south latitude.'

Good grief! What did we order?!

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Murphy's Slaw.

"Okay, let's eat."

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'The Health and Safety guy doesn't look very happy...I hope we're not gonig to fail the inspection.'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

"Prob-lo-Matic"

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'