Culinary Calamity Dealer T-Shirts

'Get your priorities right, Graham! Book the restaurant AFTER you've called the fire brigade!'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Bake off: Flan B

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Leak Soup. No, it's not a misspelling. The roof dripped into the casserole.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Okay, let's eat."

Sandwich Fail

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'