Crying Baby Comedy Pillows

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"It's his emotional support animal."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"Funny how they often look like little old men

"I can't come out, Mary is having one of her marathon cries."

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"Gee, my first man cave!"

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'She just got her first credit card application in the mail.'

"Wouldn't a teething ring be better than a house-brick?"

"I always cry at weddings because I'm philosophically opposed to the institution of marriage."

Baby Virus.

"Use Your Inside Scream"

'Would the father like to gnaw through the umbilical cord?'

Baby's head pops off.