Cruising Champ Gifts

"When I finally got my own car, I never drove over the speed limit."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

"Show some appreciation when he comes home: he spends his days in a small cubicle staring at numbers on the screen. He puts up with a lot in order to feed us."

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

Traffic warden directing people in the gym.

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'I got this one from my son who made it at camp.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

A man carves a totem pole

"Ancient times? Is that like when my grandmother was young?"

Pinterest shaming

Sculptor: 'Okay, SMILE!'

"And to conclude my report on Jupiter, I would just like to say we had lasagne at my house last night."

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

Her older brothers always made her go down to the basement first. She wasn't afraid. The monster wasn't down there. It was upstairs, under her bed.

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

'I can't wait for the 2012 'Limpets' to begin...!'

'One more fish, Alice, and you'll be able to use the old frying pan.'

"I ain't writin' nothin' down! I save and protect my intellectual property right up here!"

'...There's something about rescued dogs - they're just eager to please.'

"Gaudeamus igitur, Juvenes dum sumus; Post jucundam juventutem, post molestam senectutem nos habebit humus."

"Family game night rocks! Especially when the winner decides what his prize is!"

'Let me through - I'm extremely nosy.'

"When I first planned my retirement it was an ocean going 7 berth yacht with jacuzzi and helipad..."

The sounds of baseball

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

Some said she exploited her youthful allure...

Man reading a newspaper. Trophy head of giraffe reading over his shoulder.