Cruise Control Aficionado Gifts

Molly didn't think much of her husband's new cruise control!

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"By labeling it, I control it."

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

'See you in two weeks!'

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

"Ticket and passport, please."

'It always great to get away from it all.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

Skiing at Sea

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

Cruise.

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

Viking River Raids

'What a control freak!'

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

Tui River Cruise

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

'This MUST be our ship!'

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'