Crockery Comedian Pillows

Punch Bowl

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Teapot

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Rattlecornsnake

An angel bangs a broom on a cloud

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

'This decaf's lousy.'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"It's Olive isn't it?"

Melody Cockroach.

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

Keister Island

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

"We had to park your car in the cloud and, unfortunately, sir, I'm afraid it may have been deleted!"

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Funeral for a Cartoonist