Critter Chronicler Gifts

'He says the scent killer isn't working. He can still smell us.'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"You're amazing!"

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

'Maybe I shouldn't have brought the termites,'

'Tarzan'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

'Then, one day a kid yelled, 'Man, look at that ugly duck with the long neck and the black mole over it's beak.'. To think I spent years parading around thinking I was a swan.'

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"This is just a model, but you get the idea."

'Look at this! The little critters are not asexual after all!'

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

"Hmm, over-oaked chardonnay! My kind of wine!"

'Check you house for termites, Lady?'

Husband's worst pet - Easily Trained to nag.

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

'I don't know, Al... A dumpster in the middle of the woods! Seems kind of fishy to me.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

'Not so easy, is it?'

'Well kiddo, I'm proud to say that in all my years of service, I've never lost a sheep...'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

'But they get attached to me!'