Crisis Communication Expert Gifts

"I'm in charge of social media for my firm."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Dialogue

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Changing Minds

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

Ruddy bloggers!

Information...political rhetoric

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'Crisis'

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

Torturing the English Language

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."