Cringe Collector Pillows

I hate karaoke nights.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Dead Funny

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

Banana Split...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"The Eggsorcist"

Turtle Hat

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Cake Free Zone

E-Baying @ The Moon

Filet minion

"Eat me"