Crime Writers Gifts

"For years, people did their best to destroy me, but I ultimately prevailed."

"I prefer 'murder survivor'."

Agatha Christie's Greenway Now Open.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Snow Crime

'Why is it always about me?'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Dog detectives

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'