Crime Authors Gifts

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Snow Crime

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'Why is it always about me?'

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

Dog detectives

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"