Crime Novel Gifts

"I'm sick of you reading crime novels!"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

The Philip Marlow family

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

Snow Crime

Dog detectives

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'