Crime Literature Gifts

'Yup, one of the many disadvantages of living in a land locked city.'

Prison Library - Book on Escape with File Inside.

'It's pinching my toes!'

Two youths with newspaper reading 'Absent Fathers' - 'Mine became absent when I shot and killed him.'

Don't worry, we're anti gun control.

"He's going to tell you someone stole his identity but I think he just lost it."

"So do you want me to write it up as a murder or a community service?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

The Philip Marlow family

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

Snow Crime

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

Dog detectives

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"