Crime Novelist Gifts

"Hey neighbour - you do know the bin-bags go out on Thursday...??"

'Yup, one of the many disadvantages of living in a land locked city.'

Body Snatchers on Loose.

'Make it look like an accident.'

Sherlock Holmes is stymied.

'OK Louie, prepare to meet your maker!'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

C. Day Lewis.

'I was touched by a Hell's Angel.'

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

The Philip Marlow family

''Hand over the money or die.'?! Are you serious?' 'Sure! Look, I've underlined 'Die'.'

'Fork, you!'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

Death by Television

Missing Persons: 'They're dwarfs, you say, and all SEVEN are missing?'

The Mafia Secretly Dumping a Body in a No Dumping Area

'Help! Miami Beach Mafiosi attack!'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"It's time to clean the fish tank."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'Why do I rob banks? Because that's where the money is!'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'Is this the end of Little Caeser'

I see you share my hatred for hamsters..

"You know I can totally hear your internal monologue, right?"

"I think we might be running out of good nick names."

Mobster Luggage

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

"It turns out it really did have his tongue."

"It's a popular size - much bigger and you won't get the body in the trunk."

"I agree, Maria, it does seem like one big romantic TV Christmas movie. But, unfortunately, this is where I must kill you."

Premeditate

"Forget the king’s men, Dumpty, you’re taking the fall!"

"God, these throw-pillows are terrible for smothering."