Crime Fiction Writer Gifts

Schlock Holmes

Nun confronts mugger.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Crime in bookshop

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

Snow Crime

'Why is it always about me?'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"