Crime Fiction Writer Gifts

Schlock Holmes

Nun confronts mugger.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Crime in bookshop

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

'Why is it always about me?'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

Snow Crime

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"