Crime Stopper Humor Pillows

'Social networking sites used to find knife kids.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'I don't think the killer would in the garden...that'd be waaaay too obvious.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'Hello, Mum!'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

The Brains of the Outfit

Piñata police line-up.

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."