Crime Skeptic Gifts

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

UK border controls relaxed.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

Privacy Conference Security

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Don't editorialize."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

The evidence destroyed

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

Mobsters at the Beach

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."