Crime Show Junkie Pillows

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"If this doesn't get you indicted, nothing will."

Bowling Pin: 'There, THAT'S him!! Number 4! That's the CRAZY Psycho!'

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

Mondays.

Violence on TV.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Now that's a win."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

Dancing with the Star Wars

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"#notguilty."

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Miami Mice

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'