Crime Scene Sofa Enthusiast Gifts

"Do you have to take your work home with you?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"We need rain."

Next camera crew 5 mins

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Robber on treadmill

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

Fish mobsters.

AEDES: Serial Killer - Zika, Dengue, Fiebre Amarilla, Chikungunya.

Turkey Autopsy

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Yeah, forensics tested the carpet sample and found something alright - but it wasn't blood,,, Any guess what it might have been, Mr McGruff'

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

Penguin identity parade

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

Party balloons. Looks like an inside job. Helium.