Crime Scene Literary Buff Gifts

"We've just got a positive I.D. on the stiff, boss. . . Some bloke called, Yorick."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

The Philip Marlow family

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"We need rain."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Paper or plastic?"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

Turkey Autopsy

'Make it look like an accident.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.