Crime Parody Pillows

"I want to report a race crime.'

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I don't think the killer would in the garden...that'd be waaaay too obvious.'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Mafia machine gun case.

'Hello, Mum!'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

Money Launderette

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

Cuffwear, 2004

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Spokane County Police Department

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

"Just pick out the one who ate your husband."

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

Cat planning aquarium break in...

"Your new recruit's bicycle is ready, commander."