Crime Parody Pillows

"I want to report a race crime.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Mafia machine gun case.

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'Hello, Mum!'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

Money Launderette

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

Spokane County Police Department

Cuffwear, 2004

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

"Your new recruit's bicycle is ready, commander."

Cat planning aquarium break in...

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

'Mob audition'

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."