Crime Parody Enthusiast Pillows

'I've robbed so much money from this bank that I figured it's about time I opened up a savings account here.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

Mafia machine gun case.

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

Money Launderette

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

Idenity Parade.

'My only witness and alibi for the bank job was the guy I was robbing across in another part of town.'