Crime Parody Enthusiast Pillows

'I've robbed so much money from this bank that I figured it's about time I opened up a savings account here.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

Mafia machine gun case.

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

Piñata police line-up.

Money Launderette

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

Money Laundering

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

'My only witness and alibi for the bank job was the guy I was robbing across in another part of town.'