Cribbage Champion Pillows

Einstein felt vindicated to discover that god in fact did not play dice. He did, though, enjoy a nice game of cribbage.

A quiet game at cribbage

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Instructional guide to scribbling

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

Big Burgers.

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

'He's won an exotic holiday to Easter Island and it's gone straight to his head.'

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'I appreciate you doing the work of two men, Haskell, but Baker and Clayton never did anything either.'

'This chart illustrates how each of you will break into the industry.'

"The latest reports show life expectancy going down for the first time."

"Explain these 3,674 games of solitaire we found on your office computer?"

A woman's work is never done.

'It has had phenomenal growth and, for those involved, an atmosphere crawling with excitement. Congratulations, Hawkins, for heading our Bed Bug division.'

"That's where everyone started getting sick of me."

"My grandma writes me letters like that. I call it the Grandma Font."

'You knew I was an amphibian when you married me!'

'Didn't you remove the bird before washing the cage?'

A Racecar Winner at Breakfast

"He wants to be beach buggy ready."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

The First Tattoo

'Santa Clause would never of fitted through that fireplace, so I've widened it.'

'But I can't take my muddy boots off - I'm not wearing any!'

'I hate Mondays!'

Chef with stuffed chickens as trophies.

'How to get mustard stains out of clothing? Excuse me while I call my mother!'