Cribbage Champion Gifts

A quiet game at cribbage

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Instructional guide to scribbling

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

Big Burgers.

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

"The latest reports show life expectancy going down for the first time."

'I appreciate you doing the work of two men, Haskell, but Baker and Clayton never did anything either.'

"Explain these 3,674 games of solitaire we found on your office computer?"

A woman's work is never done.

'It has had phenomenal growth and, for those involved, an atmosphere crawling with excitement. Congratulations, Hawkins, for heading our Bed Bug division.'

'Didn't you remove the bird before washing the cage?'

"My grandma writes me letters like that. I call it the Grandma Font."

'You knew I was an amphibian when you married me!'

"That's where everyone started getting sick of me."

"He wants to be beach buggy ready."

The First Tattoo

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'Santa Clause would never of fitted through that fireplace, so I've widened it.'

'But I can't take my muddy boots off - I'm not wearing any!'

'I hate Mondays!'

Mouse Party

'How to get mustard stains out of clothing? Excuse me while I call my mother!'

Chef with stuffed chickens as trophies.