Credit Analyst Gifts

'You're part of the 6% we won't be lending money to...'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'You're what we call 'high risk'.'

"Oh, we used to use a crystal ball, but hacking into your credit files is much more informative!"

'Of course I have unpaid loans, what other kind is there?'

"You'll always have AAA status to me!"

Unsecured Creditor, please help.

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"It's nice to know that you are able to live within your means but, as your financial advisor, I must point out that you're doing so by borrowing money."

'Satisfied now??'

'We've decided to become more thrifty and start a savings account, but we'd like to borrow against our credit cards in order to make the opening deposit.'

"I wouldn't spend too long reading it - the first payment's almost due."

Recession

American Express Credit Card

Moody downgrades Portugal.

Moody's Rating: Junk.

"Our tests show you have a credit score of a man half your age."

'Wait a minute....!

'I've just raised you to junk status.'

Credit scores of the rich and famous.

Agency Moody's comments

'No can do, pal.'

'I'm just here to pay you a compliment.'

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

'Wait a minute....!

'It's not sexist, if I rate everyone on their line of credit.'

Ask about our new credit card - Tell me more about the 'Aladdin's Lamp' credit card.

'You'll never be as good as Morecambe and Wise,'

Big City Bank Loan manager

Standard & Poors, you dirty dog! Don't pick at our AAA rating!'

'Please give a big hand to our latest member.'

Standard And P****d.

Russia's Junk Rating

"Please employ an optimist to run the sales department, and a pessimist to run the credit department."