Creative Realist Gifts

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Someone loses his pension.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'You suck.'

'With only one sick day left, your boss wishes you a speedy recovery.'

'What happens in the board room stays in the board room, Hawkins!'

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life: 'The pay is good, but the pressure here...'

"Did you make the short list?"

'I can't stand 'Yes men'!'