Creative Cuisine Gifts

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Failed holiday idea: Utinsils.

"In all my years of teaching I've never seen pizza dough spun into a triangle!"

Lockdown casserole

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Baloneystini

All-Candy Seder.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

Tzatzikicicle

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

Picasso

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Michel Roux Jr

'It's an acquired taste!'

Spatula Conductor

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."