Crave Comedian Gifts

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

A gift to complete the man cave.

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

'It replaces all your small rocks with one convenient large one.'

'I've invented copyright.'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

Industrial Disputes: the Early Years

'Someone call 9-1-1!!!'

"I'm afraid he's not available at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?"

'Robinson Crusoe discovers Friday's mobile'

'Yo yo brother, I gotta bounce.'

'How often does he go on line?'

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

'Stop your howling and whining up here - you're spoiling this vacation for everyone!'

"Are you decent?"

'This is great! -- We've learned to talk the talk and walk the walk!'

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

'Don't say I never did anything for you.'

'Come on out and bring your club -- they just took dinosaurs off the endangered species list!'

'You remember earlier when kevin said there was nothing to eat.'

"Hon, it's the landlord."

The Judgment of Paris

Hunger mood warning system: Women vs. Men

In case of emergency break bread.

"We're either going to have to remove it or put instructions on it..."